To start off the birth of this blog, I'd like to give a HUGE thanks to my favorite server blogger in the entire world, The Bitchy Waiter (http://thebitchywaiter.blogspot.com), for giving me the confidence and initiative to finally get the ball rolling on starting a blog. Everybody go read his blog; it'll be the best decision you make all day.
First off, I would love to address the above question. Everybody who read that sentence should've pictured that horrid lady from the movie 'Waiting'. Whoever wrote the script had that particular type of customer to a T. We've all had that person at our table. Nothing is good enough, the food came out too slow, too fast (why would anyone complain about that?), the server is the epitome of all evil, etc.
To anyone who asks how hard our job is: incredibly fucking hard. Try dealing with douchebags like you all day. I can guarantee you that if you saw someone acting the way you did at that point, you'd think they were the worlds biggest asshole. Takes one to know one, eh?
What does your job consist of? Sitting behind a desk? Wow, that sounds hard. I bet it's really tiring to sit on your ass all day, eating Cheetos and dicking around on Facebook. My job is the EXACT opposite of that. Please, go get a job where you have to stand on your feet for an undetermined amount of hours. I hope you can deal with being treated like shit by complete strangers. I especially hope that you have a strong bladder, because you're not going to be able to go to the bathroom whenever you'd like. You may want to get something to eat before you come in for your shift, because you're not going to get a chance to eat while you're here. Oh! And make sure you have as many cigarettes as you can handle before you clock in, because if you work at the place that I did, you're not allowed smoke breaks while you're on the clock. It doesn't matter if you're working a 12 hour shift. Sucks to be you.
But wait! There's more! Make sure you have a good memory, because you won't have the chance to write everything down on the guest check pad. If someone wants something, they want it NOW. No time for you to dick around and write it down, and make sure it's legible. Go ring that shit in! Run! Get to the server station before someone else does! Still running? You better be. You don't want that foam going down on the beer glass. Never serve a beer without a full head of foam. The customer will get butt hurt, and the bartender will get pissed because they have to take time to stir it up (the best trick), or to pour more to get the right amount of head on it. Shit! You're wasting time! Your table is looking around, wondering where you are. In reality, it's been 2 minutes. In their world, it has been 12. Take the real amount of time that it's been, and times it by 6. That's how long they will say it took.
Don't forget about your other tables! They are also your responsibility. No matter how hard one table is riding you, you can't spend all of your time on them. You're lucky if you only have 2 other tables. Quick! Turn around! Table 423 is trying to flag you over. They need refills. Go get 'em! Shit. Someone is running your food over to you. They're new, and have no idea where the hell they're going. The look of terror is evident in their eyes. Instead of pointing them to the table where the food needs to be ran, they plead you with their eyes to just take the food yourself. I'm a nice person, so I would do it. Now you have a large tray of hot food to run, and refills to get. How are you going to do this?
Before you want to cry, just jump out of this scenario. You just saw 1/8th of what one night could be like. Sometimes it's worse. Sometimes it's so slow, you feel like re-rolling all of the silverware for something to do. The managers won't cut you off of the floor, just in case it gets busy. You are standing around (sitting if the MOD is cool enough), making 4.35 an hour.
Welcome to my job. Yes, bitch, it's hard. Let me ask you something. Is it hard to be such an asshole?
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