I understand that you want your food out, as fast as it can be. Do you see how we are short staffed? What's his fuck never came in, the manager is too busy to jump back here, and I am sweating my non-existent balls off. This fucking shirt is thick, and it is hot. Not to mention, I have a tank top on underneath of it. The idea of this sweaty shirt actually touching my skin gives me the willies.
STOP BITCHING AT ME THROUGH THE WINDOW. I'm serious when I say that if you don't stop bitching at me, your food will take longer. Why am I serious, you ask? The more time you waste of mine, screaming at me, the more I have to talk to you and explain what I'm doing. You are taking time that I could be spending cooking your burger that you forgot to ring in.
I forget to ring in things, sometimes. I understand how it feels. Instead of screeching at me that you need it on the fly, explaining the situation calmly and asking me if I could hurry up would suffice. I understand that it sucks major dick when you forget. It makes you look like a bad server, it pisses your table off, and then the managers have to deal with the carnage caused by the shitty situation.
I understand that the normal time to cook an appetizer is usually 3-6 minutes. But, corporate decided to put one on the menu that does take longer than that. Explain it to your fucking table (it helps to learn things about the product, so you don't look like a dumbass) that it is a different type of appetizer that needs to be microwaved, and then baked for 5 minutes. So, fuck off.
See that screen right there? Yep, the one with the bright colors. Please focus your eyes, as a bug would focus it's untimely death to a bug zapper, and look at the pretty colors. Those are the orders that I have, in the order that I have them. Your order is behind the first five. That means that five orders have precedence over yours. Did you forget to ring this one in? No? Then fuck off and go kiss your tables asses, so they'll stop complaining. Remember, it's only been 7 minutes; not the 15 that they're claiming.
Take a minute, and just breathe. Go run someone else's food, so it looks like you're busy if your table sees you. Go wipe down the pop machine. Organize the straws. Fill the silverware holders. I don't give a shit what you do, as long as you get out of my face.
All FOH employees should have to be trained in the kitchen for at least a week. That way, they can get an idea of how long things take to cook, and how hectic it can get. Yeah, it's a sports bar and we mainly serve greasy appetizers and wings. For some reason, they decided that they should be 'healthier', and have wraps, salads, pizza like things, grilled chicken strips, mandarin oranges, shit like that. Those take longer to make. It takes longer to get the wings out when there are 400 of them on the screen (and that is not an exaggeration).
Before you ask--I have never messed with anyones food, and I have never seen it be done. If we drop the food on the floor, we tell the server, and we make it new. Doesn't matter if it's a burger, or not. I'm sure the table won't mind hearing that we're not going to serve them food that has been on the floor, which I'm not sure when it was even swept last, let alone mopped. They mop the floor every night when we close, and I'm pretty sure that's the only time. The cooks have been stepping into the cooler where the raw chicken is held, and where chicken blood is most likely on the floor. That chicken blood/bacteria/salmonella is now tracked all over that floor. Not to mention whatever may be crawling and fermenting on the bottom of their shoes. If I ever saw anyone serve food that has been dropped on the floor, I'd try to stop them as fast as I could. If I couldn't, I'd physically go out on the floor and make up some excuse as to why I have to take it back. They'll never know that nothing is really wrong with it, other than the fact that it has floor seasoning on it. If I saw a server spit in a drink, I'd make them drink it. Trust me, I've wanted to fuck with food or drinks of some customers that have treated me like absolute shit for no reason. But, that makes me think of that scene in the movie 'Waiting', which makes me die a little inside.
Don't think the cooks are assholes because they appear stressed. Chances are, they are. Most of the time, the FOH has never walked back in the kitchen. I've used the meat thermometer to test the temperature back there. Most of the time, it has a base temp of around 80 degrees. When you're in front of the grill, bump that up to 90. Where I worked, we weren't allowed drinks in the kitchen. Not even water. So, add in the fact that the cooks are stressed, dehydrated, and being bitched at constantly; don't even, for one second, think that they're being assholes for no reason.
Then again, if you keep badgering the BOH staff (even if it's slow), they will be dicks- just because they can.
September 30, 2011
A word to the wise.
Rules for commenting:
Do NOT say my name (even the first), where I worked, where I'm talking about in any specific entry, where I live, or even the real names of anyone who was there when whatever situation I'm writing about happened.
Don't use racial slurs--it just makes you look uneducated.
Please try to use proper english and grammar. If your comment is stupid, I will attack you for using 'your' instead of 'you're'. If you're not sure what word to use, Google it. Use the simple rule. You're=you are. Example: you're going to the store=you are going to the store. Please use either I or me in the right way. Say the rest of the sentence. If the original sentence was "so and so and me want to go to the movies", that is wrong. Take the other person out, and say it out loud. Me want to go to the movies is wrong, unless you are a cave man.
I know this will inevitably happen, but hearing the "why don't you get another job" or "why don't you get a real job" has already been asked countless times. It's old news. I would explain the answers to you, but I don't want to waste my time.
Don't ask me to add you on Facebook. That would be moronic.
And please, be courteous to the other commenters. This isn't Facebook; arguments aren't entertaining. If you have that big of a problem with someone, bitch about it on their blog or something. Not mine.
That's all she wrote, folks. Hopefully you all can abide by these rules. If you have any subjects (from a cooks point of view, even; I've also done that for 5 years) that you would like me to address, by all means, bring them to my attention. I'm always up for new ideas :]
Do NOT say my name (even the first), where I worked, where I'm talking about in any specific entry, where I live, or even the real names of anyone who was there when whatever situation I'm writing about happened.
Don't use racial slurs--it just makes you look uneducated.
Please try to use proper english and grammar. If your comment is stupid, I will attack you for using 'your' instead of 'you're'. If you're not sure what word to use, Google it. Use the simple rule. You're=you are. Example: you're going to the store=you are going to the store. Please use either I or me in the right way. Say the rest of the sentence. If the original sentence was "so and so and me want to go to the movies", that is wrong. Take the other person out, and say it out loud. Me want to go to the movies is wrong, unless you are a cave man.
I know this will inevitably happen, but hearing the "why don't you get another job" or "why don't you get a real job" has already been asked countless times. It's old news. I would explain the answers to you, but I don't want to waste my time.
Don't ask me to add you on Facebook. That would be moronic.
And please, be courteous to the other commenters. This isn't Facebook; arguments aren't entertaining. If you have that big of a problem with someone, bitch about it on their blog or something. Not mine.
That's all she wrote, folks. Hopefully you all can abide by these rules. If you have any subjects (from a cooks point of view, even; I've also done that for 5 years) that you would like me to address, by all means, bring them to my attention. I'm always up for new ideas :]
September 29, 2011
"how hard IS your job"?
To start off the birth of this blog, I'd like to give a HUGE thanks to my favorite server blogger in the entire world, The Bitchy Waiter (http://thebitchywaiter.blogspot.com), for giving me the confidence and initiative to finally get the ball rolling on starting a blog. Everybody go read his blog; it'll be the best decision you make all day.
First off, I would love to address the above question. Everybody who read that sentence should've pictured that horrid lady from the movie 'Waiting'. Whoever wrote the script had that particular type of customer to a T. We've all had that person at our table. Nothing is good enough, the food came out too slow, too fast (why would anyone complain about that?), the server is the epitome of all evil, etc.
To anyone who asks how hard our job is: incredibly fucking hard. Try dealing with douchebags like you all day. I can guarantee you that if you saw someone acting the way you did at that point, you'd think they were the worlds biggest asshole. Takes one to know one, eh?
What does your job consist of? Sitting behind a desk? Wow, that sounds hard. I bet it's really tiring to sit on your ass all day, eating Cheetos and dicking around on Facebook. My job is the EXACT opposite of that. Please, go get a job where you have to stand on your feet for an undetermined amount of hours. I hope you can deal with being treated like shit by complete strangers. I especially hope that you have a strong bladder, because you're not going to be able to go to the bathroom whenever you'd like. You may want to get something to eat before you come in for your shift, because you're not going to get a chance to eat while you're here. Oh! And make sure you have as many cigarettes as you can handle before you clock in, because if you work at the place that I did, you're not allowed smoke breaks while you're on the clock. It doesn't matter if you're working a 12 hour shift. Sucks to be you.
But wait! There's more! Make sure you have a good memory, because you won't have the chance to write everything down on the guest check pad. If someone wants something, they want it NOW. No time for you to dick around and write it down, and make sure it's legible. Go ring that shit in! Run! Get to the server station before someone else does! Still running? You better be. You don't want that foam going down on the beer glass. Never serve a beer without a full head of foam. The customer will get butt hurt, and the bartender will get pissed because they have to take time to stir it up (the best trick), or to pour more to get the right amount of head on it. Shit! You're wasting time! Your table is looking around, wondering where you are. In reality, it's been 2 minutes. In their world, it has been 12. Take the real amount of time that it's been, and times it by 6. That's how long they will say it took.
Don't forget about your other tables! They are also your responsibility. No matter how hard one table is riding you, you can't spend all of your time on them. You're lucky if you only have 2 other tables. Quick! Turn around! Table 423 is trying to flag you over. They need refills. Go get 'em! Shit. Someone is running your food over to you. They're new, and have no idea where the hell they're going. The look of terror is evident in their eyes. Instead of pointing them to the table where the food needs to be ran, they plead you with their eyes to just take the food yourself. I'm a nice person, so I would do it. Now you have a large tray of hot food to run, and refills to get. How are you going to do this?
Before you want to cry, just jump out of this scenario. You just saw 1/8th of what one night could be like. Sometimes it's worse. Sometimes it's so slow, you feel like re-rolling all of the silverware for something to do. The managers won't cut you off of the floor, just in case it gets busy. You are standing around (sitting if the MOD is cool enough), making 4.35 an hour.
Welcome to my job. Yes, bitch, it's hard. Let me ask you something. Is it hard to be such an asshole?
First off, I would love to address the above question. Everybody who read that sentence should've pictured that horrid lady from the movie 'Waiting'. Whoever wrote the script had that particular type of customer to a T. We've all had that person at our table. Nothing is good enough, the food came out too slow, too fast (why would anyone complain about that?), the server is the epitome of all evil, etc.
To anyone who asks how hard our job is: incredibly fucking hard. Try dealing with douchebags like you all day. I can guarantee you that if you saw someone acting the way you did at that point, you'd think they were the worlds biggest asshole. Takes one to know one, eh?
What does your job consist of? Sitting behind a desk? Wow, that sounds hard. I bet it's really tiring to sit on your ass all day, eating Cheetos and dicking around on Facebook. My job is the EXACT opposite of that. Please, go get a job where you have to stand on your feet for an undetermined amount of hours. I hope you can deal with being treated like shit by complete strangers. I especially hope that you have a strong bladder, because you're not going to be able to go to the bathroom whenever you'd like. You may want to get something to eat before you come in for your shift, because you're not going to get a chance to eat while you're here. Oh! And make sure you have as many cigarettes as you can handle before you clock in, because if you work at the place that I did, you're not allowed smoke breaks while you're on the clock. It doesn't matter if you're working a 12 hour shift. Sucks to be you.
But wait! There's more! Make sure you have a good memory, because you won't have the chance to write everything down on the guest check pad. If someone wants something, they want it NOW. No time for you to dick around and write it down, and make sure it's legible. Go ring that shit in! Run! Get to the server station before someone else does! Still running? You better be. You don't want that foam going down on the beer glass. Never serve a beer without a full head of foam. The customer will get butt hurt, and the bartender will get pissed because they have to take time to stir it up (the best trick), or to pour more to get the right amount of head on it. Shit! You're wasting time! Your table is looking around, wondering where you are. In reality, it's been 2 minutes. In their world, it has been 12. Take the real amount of time that it's been, and times it by 6. That's how long they will say it took.
Don't forget about your other tables! They are also your responsibility. No matter how hard one table is riding you, you can't spend all of your time on them. You're lucky if you only have 2 other tables. Quick! Turn around! Table 423 is trying to flag you over. They need refills. Go get 'em! Shit. Someone is running your food over to you. They're new, and have no idea where the hell they're going. The look of terror is evident in their eyes. Instead of pointing them to the table where the food needs to be ran, they plead you with their eyes to just take the food yourself. I'm a nice person, so I would do it. Now you have a large tray of hot food to run, and refills to get. How are you going to do this?
Before you want to cry, just jump out of this scenario. You just saw 1/8th of what one night could be like. Sometimes it's worse. Sometimes it's so slow, you feel like re-rolling all of the silverware for something to do. The managers won't cut you off of the floor, just in case it gets busy. You are standing around (sitting if the MOD is cool enough), making 4.35 an hour.
Welcome to my job. Yes, bitch, it's hard. Let me ask you something. Is it hard to be such an asshole?
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